Relief
by Nalana
Summary: Stress breaks us all down a little bit. That's before the almost suicide missions.Post "Enemy at the Gate" final ep. slash in second half. First half general. Natural and hints of NaturallySparky. Shep/Lorne Shep/Lorne/Elizabeth


Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, and I'm not making money! Honestly...if I was Mallozzi and co. ...well, I'll be nice. ;)

* * *

The air around them was tight and thin as they stumbled backwards. Hearts pounded just below the flesh. No one dared to breath as the wormhole closed. Eyes peered at them, shocked and curious about these unexpected guests. For a beat the entire planet stood silent.

Wooooosh.

The familiar sound flooded their ears as the event horizon flooded the deck way. The Atlantis team stood still, looking back and forth from each other. They knew not to hope. Yet that tiny feeling sprouted out from within, daring to try to sprout.

"Stargate Command, this is the alpha site, do you read?" Someone from behind them announced in a voice everyone seemed to hear.

One pause.

Two.

"This is Stargate Command, we read you alpha base." A giant whoop was heard followed by a wave of similar sounds. "We're happy to report the wraith ship has been neutralized. I repeat this ship has been neutralized." Another ripple of cheers echoed through.

"What about Atlantis?" Sheppard's voice quivered a little more than it should have.

"She's got a good view of the golden gate." Walter, was that his name, said with a hint of laughter. Sheppard smiled, his eyes falling back to his team. Rodney was half slumped over a near by pedestal with relief. Teyla was helping support an injured and barely conscious Ronon on one side with Lorne on the other. His eyes locked briefly with his second in command. The tension that lay behind the soldier's eyes was blatant, something he knew too well from looking in the mirror after certain missions.

"We've got a man here who needs immediate medical attention. Requesting permission to gate into Atlantis before checking in." Sheppard communicated. Sam's voice replied.

"Go ahead, colonel. We'll dial in their command center after for the update. Take the rest of the day off. You've earned it."

Sheppard nodded to the rest of his team. The gate closed and he delivered the go-ahead to Rodney who all but jumped at the thought of a nice warm meal and the sight of Jennifer Keller. Sheppard wanted to make a snaky remark about it, but his heart wasn't in it. His eyes drifted to the former runner. His heart twisted. How many people had they lost since they went to Atlantis? Ford, their real Carson, that Kate woman, in a twisted way Michael, Elizabeth… He flinched inside. He swept all connections to that memory and the aftermath under an imaginary rug. He couldn't deal with that pain right now.

No, what he needed was a really big turkey sandwich, a long hot shower, and the best nap of his life. Maybe he'd ask Keller for something that would knock him out. He never slept well after missions. His head always swam with his mistakes. But his body yearned for it, the emotional upheaval too much. John looked around again before they stepped through the gate. Earth was safe. His team was safe. He hadn't had to commit suicide to make sure either of those things was possible. All things considered, that made life good.

…

The doors to his quarters hissed open. The room remained dark, almost as if it had gotten used to reading his mind without him having to actively order it. It helped. He had just spent time on the pier looking out at the coast of California. It was a pleasant sight, no doubt there. But he couldn't help but hate every moment of it.

Somehow, somewhere in between, Earth had stopped feeling like home. Now after this latest brush with fate there was a very slim chance they'd be allowed back to Pegasus even if they were able to come up with the power source. He didn't think twice about Ronon. Atlantis was his home he had said it himself. Teyla on the other hand, she had a son, her life, a galaxy away. He did feel for her. She had given so much for their sake. He'd make sure she found a way back at least. They owed her that.

Sheppard had been so lost in his thoughts that his senses were completely dulled. He hadn't even registered the other figure that was in the room. It wasn't until the hairs stood on the back of his neck that he turned around in time to see a pair of hands rush up in surrender.

"John…" a voice as weary as he felt reached his ears. He relaxed. A moment later he found his lips covered by a pair of equally chapped and unsure as his own.

The action threw him slightly off guard. He was still unsure about all of this, but it was growing on him. Attentively he let one hand find the back of the other's neck and used the other hand to draw the second body closer. At this distance he could feel the other body shaking slightly. John broke away from the kiss.

"…Ev'…you okay?" His concern must have registered as it was met with a nervous chuckle.

"You would think being in our line of work as long as we have been I'd be used to seeing you going on suicide runs and coming back, loosing members of my squad, and miraculously not loosing others. No wonder I'm still a major." Evan Lorne couldn't meet John's gaze even in the dark.

"Hey…don't do that to yourself…" He ran the hand that had been on the other's neck down his arm comfortingly. "You keep together when you're on the field and as long as you're needed. That's what matters."

" Besides…" he licked his lips before awkwardly pulling the other man into a light hug before whispering to him. "I'm not doing so well myself." He heard that same chuckle once more.

"Some rough tough military men we are." Evan snickered at them clutching to each other for support in the dark.

"Hmmm."

"John I… All I could picture when Ronon fell was it being you instead. I don't think I could have…" He cut himself short. "And then I realized that I couldn't be the one to tell you. I should have been able to protect them. But then there was the body and…and you would have lost someone else and you'd blame yourself when it was me…

"Evan." John took him firmly by the shoulders. "Evan, look at me. Ronon's fine. Even if not, it's not either of our faults. You know that. It's our job. Now that doesn't mean we're gonna stop blaming ourselves…but I think we have to."

Evan nodded slowly seeking solace on John's shoulder. The lieutenant colonel held his head for a moment, running his fingers through the short cropped hair. If you had asked him over a year ago that this would ever happen he would have probably had the questioner committed. Yet here they were, in the shadows hidden far away from the military's glare. Before he could brood too long the major had snuck up to kiss him again.

The two stood in each other's embrace for a few moments. Hands wandering, pulling each other as close as possible. It was a reassurance that they were both grounded, here, and alive. Sometimes all of those things were very questionable. Not now. Once they had become steadied Evan broke away a little.

"You should try to get some sleep before they pull you in for formalities." He cleared his throat.

"Mmm…Yea…" John agreed. "Might hit the shower first, get some of this grit off."

Evan nodded. Straightening his clothes he headed towards the door to leave. Even if they were in peace right now they still had to be careful. The military was even closer now. Little slip ups that would go completely unnoticed might perk someone's interest now they were back 'home.' Before he could get to far a hand grabbed his wrist.

"Evan?" Sheppard didn't look directly at him. "Stay."

The major blinked. He didn't know how to read this. They had been careful never to spend too much time in one or the others' quarters alone. Even though Lorne had joked that they should get McKay to rig up a device that would give off a false life sign for them. But for some reason, he simply didn't care.

"Should I wait for you or…" he asked, nodding his head towards the bathroom.

Sheppard shrugged. A wicked smile spread across his face making Lorne smile himself. That was a touch of the normal Sheppard he knew. He watched as his commander rid himself of his uniform top and undershirt appreciatively. He assumed that was a vote for the 'or' part of the sentence.

Later when they lay surprisingly comfortably and wonderfully warm under the blankets of Sheppard's bed, Lorne traced the other man's features with a finger. It was much to the dismay of John. He kept complaining that it felt like a fly and was not conducive in the least to sleep.

"John?"

"Yea?" he whispered irritably still wanting that nap.

"Elizabeth would have been happy today." His grip around the other man tightened.

"Yea. She would." He agreed sadly.

"It will be the first thing we tell her." Evan suggested. They hadn't given up hope of rescuing the body that held her consciousness one day.

"Before or after we get her in here with us?" John waggled his eyebrows.

"Oh, after of course." Evan said without a beat of time having gone by.

"Of course." John smiled resting his chin on the top of Evan's head. "Now…one more word from you and I'll smother you."

Lorne stifled a laugh before letting his own eyes drift closed. It wasn't long before he heard the light snoring of his lover. He was glad if only for the fact that despite everything the nightmares didn't seem to be plaguing him right now. Evan just hoped he was part of that reason.


End file.
